Thursday, November 14, 2013


Pardon me, for just a moment, as I'm about to step on your toes.


I am one. It is a title I earned through marriage. It is a title I wear proudly. It comes with responsibility I take seriously. It is not just a word to describe my legal standing in a relationship with a woman; it is part of my identity. I am a husband. I long to hear my wife use that word both in public and in our quiet moments together at home. It describes a unique position in life. It carries significant meaning and weight, enough so that many non-heterosexual people are fighting in court to be able to use it.

That being the case, I'd like to politely ask the growing throngs of unmarried, but dating or engaged, young women to stop using it to describe the man you are currently with...especially if you call yourself a Christian.

When you use it, before it has been earned, you do a disservice to the title and more importantly to what it stands for in a truly Christian marriage.

Trust me, I get it.

You bought a house together or you're sharing an apartment. You both drink straight out of the milk container. You eat off each others plates when you go out. You might even share a toothbrush in an emergency. You may even have fur babies together that you call your "children." Sadly, you're  also sharing his bed. Those things don't make him your husband. However, calling him that helps the take the sting out of knowing you're living a life that should be reserved for marriage, doesn't it? It helps you justify your decisions to live against the belief system you were brought up with.

He is your boyfriend or fiancé.

He won't be your husband until you stand before God, family, and friends (or a justice of the peace, your choice) and make a commitment to marriage.

Every time you call the man you are not married to your "hubby" or "husband," you cheapen the word, you water it down, and you remove the responsibility and weight that comes along with it. Using it prematurely means that the "D" word will be all that much easier to use when you have finally gotten married and it doesn't met your Hollywood expectations, especially if you're using it during an on again/off again romance.

For someone like me, who has been through "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health", it makes me believe you don't truly have an understanding of what that word means and what comes with it when it has been earned.

Oh, and tell your fiancé, or boyfriend, that I think he's weak. He allows you to use the word husband and won't ask you stop. After all, he wouldn't want to make you mad, or upset you. He's allowing his genitals to lead the way in your relationship instead of waiting to earn the title that some of us actually respect and cherish. If he was really your husband, he'd respect himself and His God enough to wait for marriage to be called that.

1 comment:

  1. So true!! We had numerous friends that did that, called each other husby and wifey before they were married. Now they are getting a divorce, 2.5 years later.


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