International Wave of Light

Today, October 15, is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day...it's also The Wave of Light. As each timezone around the world marked the arrival of 7:00PM, people have been lighting candles and letting them burn for at least an hour...creating a wave of light around the globe for 24 hours.

For Miranda Evangelene Cole, February 5, 2011, to February 8, 2011

Aside from the glow of my laptop, Miranda's candle is the only light on in my house right now. The music I use to get me through times like this is playing softly through the stereo. These songs have been my lifeline in dark times. These songs speak to me in ways books and the consoling words of a loving community just can't. The music often carries the emotion that mere words struggle to convey.

It's a playlist that too me a long time to assemble. Adding one song at a time as its impact unfolded in my life. I want to share this list of songs with you. You may not like any of them, and that's ok, but they have helped me to just deal with life, too many times to count, and I would hope and pray that they might help someone else, too.

God is God, Steven Curtis Chapman

Blessings, Laura Story

I Can Only Imagine, MercyMe

By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North

Healing Begins, Tenth Avenue North

Homesick, MercyMe

The Hurt & The Healer, MercyMe

Finally Home, MercyMe

In Christ Alone, Owl City

Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus), Chris Rice

I'll Fly Away, Jars of Clay

This is by no means a comprehensive list of songs which speak of grief, loss, the questions that come them, and the hope we have in Christ. I know there are hundreds of songs, if not thousands, that could be included. These are just the ones that have helped me the most over the past year and a half. They speak to the grief and pain of today...but, more importantly, they speak to the joy of that which is yet to come, the Hope of The Resurrection.

Tonight, my candle burns bright for my lil' Shrimp, Miranda Evangelene, and for all those who have lost an infant. We are not alone...their memories will burn in our hearts forever.

It's a Hard Life (Wherever You Go)

It's a hard life, it's a hard life
It's a very hard life
It's a hard life wherever you go
If we poison our children with hatred
Then, the hard life is all that they'll know

I'll be honest...I hate this season. No, not the weather.

Election season.

The rhetoric, the poison, the lying, the fact checking, the deception, delusion, and intimidation. If there's truth to be found in any of it...it's hard to find.

I was listening to a playlist of my favorite Christian songs and Jackson Finch's cover of It's a Hard Life Wherever You Go came on. I realize the song deals primarily with racism, religious intolerance, and other forms of hate...but all I could think about was politics. It just feels like we've become a culture that runs our elections with hate. The Republicans despise the Democrats. The Democrats hate the Republicans. The name calling, hyperbole, and sharing of distorted truths are miserable to watch...and it's not just the politicians participating. It feels like we have descended to a state where the "winner takes all" attitude is the pervasive mindset...which really means we all lose because the winner gets to ignore the 49% of the people who didn't vote for them...and we're passing this mindset along to the children who watch the adults as they go through this process. What hope do we have if we just teach them to pick a side and hold fast with blind devotion?

The process seems grey, bleak, and desolate to me...it's missing something I've really been spending a lot of time thinking about and looking for in the recent past...LOVE. There is no love in politics. There is no turning the other cheek. The concept that I can choose to put others before myself has no place in politics. It's depressing...disgusting. I can't wait for November 7...because maybe there just isn't room for love when it comes to electing the people who "represent" us.

After all, love isn't easy. Love takes work. Love isn't what comes naturally. Love is hard...and I'm preaching to the choir here. I'm really struggling with love...struggling in the spirit of Romans 7:15-24. I have people in my life that I'm finding it really difficult to love. I think about them...then I think about what I'm supposed to think about them...then I look up at the sky and I shout, "ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?! I CAN NOT BE EXPECTED TO LOVE THESE PEOPLE!"

Ugh.

If I struggle with this in my own life, it's probably too much to ask my politicians to approach their job with it.

Velvet Elvis

The upside of being sick...I finally finished Velvet Elvis (Bell, Rob (2009-02-26). Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith (Kindle Locations 2401-2406). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.) I started it a few months ago. I'd pick it up and read a chapter, then set it down for a few weeks, and then pick it up and read another chapter. I'm relatively new to the world of Rob Bell, I hadn't read anything by him prior to this past June. Now that I've read a few of his books, I'm finding plenty of resonance with a lot of what Rob has to say...but, I also find a few things he's proposing to be a little tough to swallow.

I really think Rob is promoting some good ideas in saying Christians could probably be doing more for the Kingdom by being "pro-Christ" and less "anti-(fill in the blank with your favorite hot button lifestyle issue)." The Church has spent a lot of time in the past few decades being anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-drugs, etc...often in ways that drive the wounded farther from Christ. If I've been understanding what Rob has to say in his writings, it's that being pro-loving your neighbor, pro-being a peacemaker, pro-social justice, pro-taking care of the poor, pro-taking care of each other, and pro-Christ will do a lot more to attract people to Christ than being anti-anything ever will.

I do think Rob may be swimming in some muddy waters when he starts talking about Heaven and Hell. If I understand what he's trying to say, it seems like Rob is pretty confident that Heaven will be right here, when the earth is restored to the way it was when God saw that "it was good." I think Rob is trying to convince his readers that this physical planet will be the location of Heaven. I'm not sure I buy into that.  His main points are the scriptures that talk about God making all things new. I think there's plenty of scriptural support for Heaven "being" someplace else and Rob doesn't really take the time to address those as he typically only uses scripture that supports his stance. Does it ultimately matter where Heaven is...I guess not. One of the points Rob brings up time and again is that Believers should be more focused on "thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven," the concept that we are to bring Heaven to earth in our daily lives, rather than focusing on Heaven being a place you do after you die. That's something I think we could all practice a little more.

It's Hell where Rob finds himself in trouble with many Christians. He doesn't come right out and say it, but it seems Rob either believes there is no Hell or that Hell is a temporary place and ALL people will eventually make it to Heaven. Smarter people than I have read his books and addressed this issue. I find resonance with one, in particular, a review of Love Wins, by Athol Dickson. All I can say is read that review and it's pretty much what I think, too.

One area where I've enjoyed taking in what Rob has to say is in regards to suffering, "Suffering is a place where clichés don’t work and words often fail…when we join each other in the pain and confusion, God is there…it is in our suffering together that we find out we are not alone. We find out who really loves us. We find out that with these people around us, we can make it through anything. And that gives us something to celebrate." In my own recent trials, it became clear to me very early on that Christians aren't practiced in supporting each other in our suffering. We often offer pithy Christianisms when silence would be the best option. Hugs, shared tears, and just being there quietly can mean a whole lot more to those who are in pain than any quote or saying you can come up with about God's plans.

I have a least one more of Rob's books left in my "to read" list, and I may go back and re-read a couple of the ones I've finished. There's plenty of good to cull from them, even if you might have to set aside a few things that could be questionable.

Time after Time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting 
Time after time

Time After Time
by Cyndi Lauper

I changed the station on the radio in my car the other day. What can I say, it happens from time to time. Hearing the same songs over and over can sometimes get a little repetitive and it's nice to treat my ears to something new. As I was cruising around town, listening to The Coffee House, I heard Everything But The Girl cover Time After Time. It was a nice rendition, but I'm still a little partial to Willie Nelson's version of the song (the original is pretty good, too.)

As I listened, I was struck by how the chorus so acutely portrays the situation so many of us find ourselves in at some point or another in our relationship with the Father. How softly does He whisper to us, "if you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time. If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time." He's always there, no matter how distracted or unfocused we get. It's no excuse to get lost, but it's good to know He's there, time after time.

Abba, I come to you with my brokenness. I thank you for being there, time after time, for catching me when I fall.

Prophet, Priest, and King

But my closet's a shrine to and old friend of mine
Here i talk all the time with a prophet priest....
I pull out boxes and brooms
And i gush like a groom
For it's here i commune with
A prophet, priest and king
Prophet, Priest And King - Smalltown Poets

The message at church this morning was just what I needed to hear. The pastor has been off on sabbatical for a few months and I'm looking forward hearing his heart as he shares over the next next few months.

As he spoke to us today, the song Prophet, Priest, and King kept popping into my mind. It's highly likely you've never heard it. I don't remember if it was ever on the radio or not. It was on Smalltown Poets "debut" album back in 1997. I put "debut" in quotes because some of the members of the band had released an album, under a different name, prior to this "debut."

Their song ties into the sermon...loosely. As part of the message, pastor explained the 3 offices of the old testament leaders:

• Prophets - they represented God to the people
• Priests - they represented the people to God
• King - was supposed to work for the common good of all the people

It's these three offices that we're all called to participate in as members of the body of Christ. It's this message that has been working it's way into my heart over the past few months. I'm called to represent God to my fellow man. I'm called to represent, and life, my fellow man to God. I'm called to work for the common good of my fellow man. We, as believers are called to be prophet, priest, and king...that's quite a challenge.

It's enough of a challenge that, as I process the message, I have to remind myself to take things slowly. I can be my own worst critic. I'm impatient. I cringe when I fail. It's sometimes hard for me to just ask, "God, where do you need me today?" because I'm looking at where I think He should expect me to be. The problem is, that's not where He's looking.

When the Israelites asked God for a King, he met them where they were at. Even though it was NOT what He wanted for them, He still worked with them, redemptively, in the place they were at, not where He wanted them to be. He understands our brokenness...and will work with us where we're at. I just have to keep reminding myself of that truth.

Abba, I offer you my brokenness today. I offer you where I'm at and ask that you work in me to help me as I strive to be you to my fellow man, to life my fellow man to you, and to work for the common good of all mankind. Father, mold me into the prophet, priest, and king you want me to be.

Breathe Deep (The Breath of God)

Politicians, morticians, Philistines, homophobes

Skinheads, Dead heads, tax evaders, street kids

Alcoholics, workaholics, wise guys, dim wits

Blue collars, white collars, war mongers, peace nicks

Breathe deep

Breathe deep the Breath of God

Breathe deep

Breathe deep the Breath of God

Suicidals, rock idols, shut-ins, drop outs

Friendless, homeless, penniless and depressed

Presidents, residents, foreigners and aliens

Dissidents, feminists, xenophobes and chauvinists

Evolutionists, creationists, perverts, slum lords

Dead-beats, athletes, Protestants and Catholics

Housewives, neophytes, pro-choice, pro-life

Misogynists, monogamists, philanthropists, blacks and whites

Police, obese, lawyers, and government

Sex offenders, tax collectors, war vets, rejects

Atheists, Scientists, racists, sadists

Photographers, biographers, artists, pornographers

Gays and lesbians, demagogues and thespians

The disabled, preachers, doctors and teachers

Meat eaters, wife beaters, judges and juries

Long hair, no hair, everybody everywhere!

Who did Christ come to save? Ultimately, as I read, listen, learn, consider, and wrestle with my faith, I can think of only two correct and appropriate answers to that question...all mankind and me.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Matthew 3:16-17

Who did Christ come to save? There are a lot of different people listed in Breath Deep, by the Lost Dogs, many of whom would not be welcome in most churches. I'm still in the middle of that big road trip I was talking about in my last post. Still not reading much, or listening to much music, but this song has been on my mind all day, so I listened when I finally got to my hotel for the night.

This song has been one of my favorites for a long time, but I think I'm hearing it with different ears now. Ears that hear more truth and not just a catchy hook and a reminder to breath the essence of God deep into my being. Over the past few months, I've been sensing that I need a change of heart, a change of position, a change of mind. I'm really sensing the need to start worrying more about what I should be doing right, in terms of my faith, than about what other people might be doing wrong. Trying to live of life of what I'm for instead of what I'm against. A life of reaching out to the wounded instead of condemning them. Tall task, big change. I hope these things are on my mind for a long time to come. Lord knows I've got enough miles of road laid out in front of me to allow it for the next 8 to 10 days.

Abba, I bring my brokenness to you and lay it at your feet. Help me pause and breathe deep Your breath. I pray that You will continue to open my eyes and heart to doing what I can to bring Your Kingdom here until I can get there.

Hit the road Jack...

I'm on day 11 of a long road trip. One downside to travel like this is that I just don't end up reading much or listening to music. I left my iPad at home, in favor of my MacBook Air, and reading a book on the computer just doesn't work for me. However, I do find plenty of time, mostly at night, to catch up on Facebook, email, phone calls, texts, etc.

A few days ago, my youngest brother posted a link to an article that caught my attention. It's an editorial piece, by Shane Claiborne, that's almost 3 years old now. The title alone, What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff, was enough to get me to read it. I'm glad I did. I found resonance with Shane's message, especially in light of the questions I've had on my mind lately. I have recently begun to wake up to the idea that my faith should not be about punching my ticket to Heaven...assuring a joyful, blissful, splendiferous afterlife...or, more succinctly, avoiding Hell...it should be about trying to bring Heaven here...today.

"...too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth."

I feel blessed that people like Shane are around to help people like me figure out that maybe our motives for taking on the yoke of Christ need to be more thoroughly examined, and possibly even tossed out. I re-read the article today, mostly because of something that happened near me this morning. I opened the door to my hotel room to take my bags out to my motorcycle, getting ready for another long day of riding, and walked out into the middle of a "domestic disturbance." A woman was chasing a man across the parking lot, yelling at him, and clearly getting ready to do her best Roger Clemons impersonation with the cell phone in her left hand. The hotel manager just happened to be shuffling along, caught between the two of them, and ducked just in time to avoid being beaned by a large smart phone hurtling across the parking lot. This was a situation where the love of Christ was noticeably absent...and my reaction was to play ostrich. I walked over to my motorcycle, as if I was deaf and blind, strapped my bags onto the back seat and then walked back to my room to get the rest of my things. The fella hightailed it out of the parking lot while the manager confronted the woman and did a reasonable job of getting her to calm down before I pulled out and left the scene in my rearview mirror. I've been thinking about it all day, trying to assess if there was something I could have done to help or not. These people were obviously experiencing a bit of Hell here on earth...and all I can wonder is how could I have brought Heaven to them? I haven't come up with a good solution or answer yet.

As I read through the scripture, take in the writings of others who have wrestled with these ideas and questions, and try to figure things out...I have to remind myself that it's a process that might take the rest of my life. I have to remind myself that Paul (the one who wrote significant chunks of the New Testament) didn't go from being blinded to being super-missionary in a day...it took time. Patience is a virtue I struggle with.

Abba, I bring you my brokenness today and lay it at your feet. As you continue to open my eyes to those around me who are in Hell, I ask that you grant me wisdom to be able to bring Heaven to them.