Before the Throne of God Above

I went for a walk at 10:30PM this evening (yesterday, actually, since my clock is telling me it's after midnight.) The day was hot, over 90 out, so I waited until the sun had set before even thinking about going out. I probably could have walked earlier and been fine; it was only about 30% humidity when the temperature peaked, a rare condition here in Michigan...dry heat. Of course, that's neither here nor there...

I listen to the music on my iPhone when I walk. It's about the only time I listen to music on my phone. The rest of the time it's pretty much just a phone, or a map, or a book, or a camera, or...well, you get the idea. Tonight I was listening to Chris Rice's Peace Like A River: The Hymns Project. Some people like rock and roll when they exercise, other's like pop, others like hip-hop...I lean more towards praise and worship. Work the body, work the soul. Two birds, one stone.

As I entered the final few hundred yards of my walk, the last song of the album came on...Before the Throne of God Above. It was written 149 years ago, by Charitie Lees Smith, and was originally titled The Advocate. I almost didn't make it home. The powerful lyrics swept over me, nearly bringing me to my knees right there on the sidewalk outside of my apartment. I hate it when a song does that to me...I love it when a song brings me to that place.

You see, I've been struggling a lot since I lost Sara and Miranda. Not just with grief, but with God. You see, I want to make sure I get there, I want to make sure I make it to that glorious reunion; the time when all things are made new. My problem has always been handing control of my life over to Him.

I recently listened to a message from John Lynch, of TrueFaced, and learned that my focus has been on the wrong type of living, the wrong type of giving Him control. I've been trying to live a life of pleasing God, instead of living a life of trusting Him. There's not room here for me to explain the message in whole, but it really boils down to the fact that trusting God IS pleasing God. Living a life of trying to please Him usually ends in failure and frustration. Living a life of trusting in Him leads to a life of grace, and grace is where I need to spend more time living. John and his buddies wrote a book about it...guess I should give it a read, you might want to, too. Trusting Him means living as He sees me, with nothing but love. It means standing WITH Him, beside Him, to work on my issues TOGETHER. You see, I CAN'T fix myself, but I know someone who can:

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in Heaven He stands,
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace!
One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God.

Abba, Jesus, Father...today I volunteer for brokenness. Stand beside me, let me feel you standing beside me, looking at this life rearranged. Help me trust you more a little each day, for you are my path to pleasing God. I can not please Him on my own...ever. You stand in my place, covering me with grace, undeserved, freely given.